Hungover Ryu Marries Wrong Ken
After the shock announcement that Street Fighters Ryu and Ken were officially an item, they quickly announced that it was their recent engagement that had prompted them to "come out" to the public.
However, their civil partnership got off to a rocky start as Ryu, fuelled by a particularly heavy bachelor party, showed up to the altar with the wrong Ken.
Ken Carson had this to say about his brief encounter with the Street Fighter star:
"Ryu was like out on his bachelor party and was having a totally ace time. He was like totally the life of the party and junk. He came over to me and was all like "Dude, you're totally hot and rad. I want to touch your face a whole bunch". I was like totally flattered. We went back to his totally awesome hotel room and he fell asleep before anything happened. The next morning he woke up as was all like "Shit! The wedding!". Before I knew it, he had dragged me to the altar and was reading his vows. It would have been, like, really rude not to go along with it."
Luckily for Ryu, the civil partnership was annulled. Ken Masters declined to comment on the matter.
Sir Patrick Moore "Had It Up To Fucking Here" With Zelda 3
Sir Patrick Moore shunned fans of Channel 4s cult computer games show GamesMaster the other day by telling a group of youths to "Fuck off and go do one! I'm not GamesMaster, I have a fucking torso for Christs sake! You can shove Zelda 3 up your fucking arse!"
The incident started when a group of youths from Cheltenham approached Sir Patrick and asked him for advice on Zelda 3 on the SNES, a popular request on the "consoletation zone" section of the TV show.
We approached Sir Patrick and asked for his version of events:
"I've just had it up to fucking here with GamesMaster. I mean, I'm trying to look at the stars and shit and all I get it youths asking me for advice on Zelda 3. I've never even played the game for fucks sake! I wish I'd never agreed to do GamesMaster sometimes."
Sir Patrick went on to apologise for his actions and explained that he was having a bit of a bad day. The youths never got their advice on Zelda 3.
Career Highlight: Chad Hornet
With the upcoming release of Sega Racing Classic in the arcades, we interviewed Chad Hornet (Pronounced Horn-ay, he's French) for his view on his rise to Daytona USA fame.
ST: Hi Chad, it's good to see you here in the UK promoting Sega Racing Classic.
CH: It's good to be here. I've always been a fan of the UK. The history, the architecture, the prostitute knife fights, I love it all!
ST: That's good to hear. Most people will know you from your starring role in Daytona USA, but your career hasn't always been starring roles and red carpets, has it Chad?
CH: I wish I could say it has, but you're right. I moved to America from France in hope of becoming a video game actor. Luckily I made it in the end, but it was a rough start. My first few years in America was spent as a taxi in Wisconsin. I was signed up with an acting agency, but they were slow to find me work. After a few years, they got me a gig as the car that got beaten up in Street Fighter 2. It was a rough job, but it opened the door into the lifestyle.
ST: What was it like being beaten up by some of the best Street Fighters in the world on a daily basis?
CH: I wont lie, it was tough. Fortunately for me, Capcom have an excellent mechanic and bodyshop.
ST: Where did you go from there?
CH: Well I helped promote SF2 for a while. I mainly covered the conventions and shows that the main stars couldn't make it to. I basically drove the staff out to the shows, parked up in the stands and kids would be allowed to re-enact the game and kick the crap out of me. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but after a few shows a kid got a bit carried away and shattered his liver on my wing mirror. After that, the kids weren't allowed near me at shows and I had to be displayed behind a velvet rope. I missed being able to interact with my fans, but I did feel important behind that rope!
ST: I bet! What happened after SF2?
CH: Things went a bit quiet after that. I mainly took background roles in other computer games. One day, I got a call from my agent about a job in Daytona. I was skeptical about moving at first, but I decided to give it a try. I figured I couldn't stay in Wisconsin all my life. I showed up at the Daytona track and was asked to do a few laps. I was so nervous that I almost crashed on the first corner! The Sega staff were so friendly though, so my nerves soon went away. I waited for a few weeks and got a call from Sega letting me know that I had got the job. After that it was all a whirlwind of promo shoots, merchandising and acting. It was great! They even let me display my name on my bonnet, it was a dream job!
ST: What was it like after Daytona USA?
CH: After all the fame and fortune of Daytona, life felt a bit empty. I liked the peace and quiet though. I just took time to relax and unwind with my wife, Compact Pussycat (of Wacky Races fame). I was set money wise, but I occasionally took other roles to keep myself occupied. The most memorable of which was my cameo in Fighters Megamix. I loved that role as it reminded me of my time in SF2. It was good to be dishing out the beatings instead of taking them! Then the Daytona USA sequel came out and it was back to the frantic lifestyle of a celebrity.
ST: Since Daytona USA, your career has been almost exclusively sequels and cameos. Do you ever get fed up of playing the same character?
CH: Not really. I know I'm not the most versatile actor, but I'm good at what I do. I'm happy with that.
ST: Any plans for the future?
CH: After Sega Racing Classic, I'm pretty happy to hang up my racing tyres and slip into a nice pair or retirement slippers. I've been asked to lend my engine noise to the new Gran Turismo, but I turned it down. I've done the whole celebrity thing, I want to start a family with Compact now. I'd love to have the sound of Little Tikes zooming round the house!
ST: Thanks for your time Chad!
CH: Always a pleasure!
Super "Casual" Game Proving To Be Massive Hit
Super Happy Wafty Puppy Fun ("Super Happy" to the fans) was released earlier this week and is proving to be hugely popular with children and adults alike. The game is described as an "open world game where the player chooses their own goals and pursues them with the help of their obscenely cute puppy companion, Wafty". The game involves the player wafting the Wiimote in a manner akin to an epileptic person trying to strangle a snake whilst Wafty bounces around in an adorable and increasingly random manner. When asked about the open ended nature of Super Happy Wafty Puppy Fun, creator Graham Greensnatcher had this to say: "The goal of Super Happy varies wildly depending on who is playing it. One player may want the puppy to flail its limbs like a dieing mime artist, whilst one player will want him to wobble around like a retarded toddler, which incidentally is the target audience. When I play the game, I like to get Wafty to remind me of how many yachts I can now afford. It's totally down to the player!"
We went down to our local Game store to get the public opinion on Super Happy Wafty Puppy Fun.
"This game is so deep and emotionally involving. I mean, it really shows the nature of human bonding, even with different species. Super Happy is the defining game of this generation, perhaps of any generation!" - Virgil Neversexed, I.T. Consultant
"Super Happy is selling a shitload! It's a great time to run a video game store!" - Ian Underward, Game Manager
"Frankly, this game is beneath me" - Shelly Littlechild, Little Girl
Next Months Stories
Dizzys fragile lifestyle hell
Sega on Shenmue 3: "La la la, I can't hear you!"
Nintendo finally apologises for Virtual Boy
And more!